I need to vent, so I apologize for those reading this post that gets offended or upset due to my thoughts and feelings at the moment. But this is something I am working through on my own.
Lately, I have heard from several people in my life about other people who have had "life" happen to them. And it just makes me mad because life isn't fair and I wish it could be.
In the place were I used to live for the past 2 years, there have been several people who have become pregnant out of wedlock. Now, I am not judging by any means. I know we all make mistakes. The thing about it that gets me so upset is that the various people I have heard about have been one of the followings: a recent high school graduate; a college student; a woman with children that have multiple fathers; a person who has no job, no education and doesn't have stable housing; and the list goes on. Given there situation, all of them are getting celebrated, having a baby shower, and the whole nine. In all honesty, I am happy for them. They are going to need all the support they can get because "life" just got taken to another level and is about to become even more challenging. I do not envy them in that regards and I wish them all the best and that they recieve continued support from their friends and family.
Why does this bother me you ask? Well, when I got engaged to my best friend over a year ago, I was forced to call off my engagement. Several people who I thought were special people in my life told me that the only reason I was getting married was because I was pregnant, and many other cruel statements. In order to get people off my back and to cope with finishing my masters, working a full-time job and a full-time internship, and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my boyfriend who was getting ready to leave for boot-camp; I called off my engagement. During the weeks and months that followed, it was pure hell. I had several discussions with people who thought (and still think) I was/am pregnant and/or making the biggest mistake of my life. Anyway, things somewhat worked out in the end and I am now happily married.
But I never got my engagement party or my bachelorette party. I did have a simple, quaint and beautiful wedding which I am totally grateful for. But I still wish I had more than the handful of people I had supporting me and was able to actually be happy about me being engaged or getting married. I do realize that it is probably my fault since I did things a little backwards by not having my husband ask my dad and brother permission to marry me. But I don't think that it is fair that people, who got caught in a moment and are now having a baby gets all the parties while, here I am without a child, a bachelors, and a masters degree, and a full-time job at the time was unable to celebrate in my moment of happiness and joy. In fact, what should have been one of my happiest times in life turned out to be a very long, hard, depressing, life-learning experiences I have ever had. I felt and still do believe that getting engaged and married was not a mistake for me. It may have been a bit on the rapid scale but in the end, I felt and believed (still do) that this is where God was leading me.
I know it isn't right for me to be so upset that they get the party and I just have to settle that at least I got my simple wedding and am to this day still NOT pregnant like many people were secretly hoping for in a very negative way. But it really does upset me and makes me bitter. I know that this is something I need to get over because I will never get my engagement party or a bachelorette party. I must and will move on, but in the mean time I had to process this part of my feelings so that I can move on. I learned a valuable lesson, even though I may not agree with how one is living their life, I should never judge them and if they come to me asking for my help, support, or encouragement to stick with what they believe is right for their life; I must put my own reservations to the side (especially if the person and I were able to talk about my reservation in a very caring way prior) and lend a hand in whatever way that I am able to. Well, as I work these feelings and thoughts (yes I have left out some parts, I figure you are getting the idea as you read this) out, I become a better and stronger person because of my experience. I hope that whatever you are going through in your own life, you have friends and family who support you as you make your decisions and walk through your valley of life.
